If we need an app to acquire points for being a decent partner, there’s something wrong with your relationship

If we need an app for being a decent partner, you're doing relations wrong
(Picture: Getty)

Over a weekend we stumbled on a Twitter critique for a new app called Luvdup. And flattering quickly, we was filled with working prohibited rage.

Luvdup is a snazzy new app that lets we ‘monitor your relationship’.

metro illustrationsJust 17% of British women are confident with their sex life

How? By permitting we to acquire points by appreciative your partner.

If we acquire adequate points, we can get concluded on ‘treats’, like ‘going on a girls’ night’ or streamer divided on holiday with ‘the lads’.

At any point, your partner can give or concede points depending on your behaviour, so you’ll always know how happy they are with you. What fun.

Ways to acquire points embody ‘lovely gift’, ‘great support’, ‘time together’, and ‘just being you’.

You can select how many points you’ll endowment your partner for these tasks, so we can emanate your possess value complement for being a decent partner.

If we need an app for being a decent partner, you're doing relations wrong
(Picture: Luvdup)

Ways to remove points embody ‘dirty stop-out’, ‘meanie’, ‘taking me for granted’, and a unequivocally meaningful ‘other’.

There’s also a accessible area that offers suggestions for how to acquire points, such as treating your partner to lingerie, a night in, and a guarantee to have sex.

Now, there are many, many things wrong with this app.

Let’s start during a beginning: a unequivocally judgment of wanting to magnitude points with your partner to safeguard a happy attribute is absolutely terrible.

Happy relations are not about earning points or gripping score.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

They’re not about doing things for your partner usually to ‘win’. They’re about doing things for your partner since we like them (or adore them, if you’re unequivocally involved) and we take genuine fun in creation them happy.

Luvdup is all about shortening relations down to figures.

If you’ve got a certain change of points, you’re doing well. If you’re in a red, you’re a bad partner.

This is accurately a kind of mindset that creates people feel unfortunate in relationships. It creates we unexpected aware that you’ve got your partner some-more gifts than they’ve got you, or they make cooking some-more mostly than we do.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

A change that feels healthy unexpected becomes lunatic in series terms. It’d be unfit not to feel doubt in your attribute once you’re awaiting positively equal bid during all times. The impulse we notice a dip, you’re going to feel like you’re dating someone balderdash – or that you’re a sh*t one.

But a problems go over only a initial thought of ‘hey, relations would be improved if we kept score’.

Luvdup’s indicate swapping complement encourages a thought that we have to ‘earn’ a right to do things that we should always have a right to do.

On a app itself, you’re giveaway to enter whatever prerogative you’d like to accept for earning a set series of points.

But on their website, Luvdup suggest selecting rewards such as ‘a girls’ night out’ or ‘a cycling holiday with a lads’.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Only permitting your partner to hang out with other people if they greatfully we is a form of heated control – and that’s a pointer of an violent relationship.

Using Luvdup, gripping score, and regulating actions as a magnitude for what people ‘deserve’ is dangerous.

The app competence sell itself as ‘fun’, though a discerning hearing is explanation that it indeed works on fear.

You’re speedy to do things to stay on your partner’s good side (or on a right side of a points scale). Every presentation could be one to tell we that your partner has deducted points.

You’re on consistent edge, worrying over what actions will get we rewarded and what will get we punished.

You’re not authorised to be ‘grumpy’ or a ‘meanie’ even for a minute, since your partner could quickly concede your points.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

These kinds of apps are all about formulating distrust and doubt, creation we travel on eggshells and try to act as ideally as probable so as not to catch punishment from your partner.

That’s not even a small bit healthy.

A attribute in that we feel we have to act a certain way, do certain things, or accommodate certain mandate to acquire pleasing diagnosis in lapse is not a happy, amatory relationship.

A attribute in that terrible poise can be redeemed by a occasional good critique or present isn’t happy or loving, presumably – generally when this app encourages shopping products or earnest sex to win behind points.

No, adore should not be wholly unconditional. If someone isn’t treating we well, we shouldn’t stay with them.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

But branch any small gesticulate into points, tracking any action, and perfectionist someone is always giving, never taking, isn’t correct either.

Love is not about gripping score. You shouldn’t have to acquire adore by being on your best behaviour.

In a relationship, you’re ostensible to be means to be yourself. The spasmodic grumpy, infrequently still chronicle of yourself that isn’t always shopping their partner presents or giving them backrubs.

Stop gripping score. Stop app-ifying your relationship. Let it occur naturally.

Take fun in your partner’s joy, not in a disturb of earning a few additional points.

Luvdup’s response to criticism:

We reached out to Luvdup to find out their response to a criticism. They told us:

‘I consider a initial thing to contend is that it is ostensible to be a bit of fun.

‘Luvdup is formed on a thought of Brownie Points, a timeless principle, where credit is given for good deeds and courteous behaviour. If we take a demeanour during a app and a Facebook page we will see that it is dictated to be a certain knowledge for both parties.

‘It is designed to inspire amatory communication, between all forms of couples, rather than reinstate it.

‘My mother and we have been happily married for 14 years, and we use it. We don’t take a tangible points too literally and it’s a unequivocally useful and private approach of communicating when we are apart.

‘She recently mislaid her sister and had to spend several durations divided from home while she was ill, so it was a unequivocally good sourroundings to offer adore and support from a distance.

‘Naturally we also spoke on a phone though we was also means to check-in with her on a private feed while we was during work or even in a meeting. One of a giveaway animations that we embody is ‘I’m meditative of you’ that was quite useful.

‘One of a other pivotal facilities is that we can record a poignant dates (and accept reminders), perspective any others ‘Love List’ (where we creates a note of a favourite things) and see a list of a others sizes (clothes, hats, jewellery, shoes). This doubles as a Birthday / Christmas list that is unequivocally useful and replaces a common shrug of a shoulders.

‘We all know that relations don’t live and die on a sell of element products though we still like to buy my mother flowers to remind her how many we adore her.

‘We have seen a critique on Twitter though we know that reasonable discuss in such a forum is a singular commodity. For a record, we apparently wouldn’t acquit anyone regulating Luvdup to be determining of others, though a law is that this is expected to be their attribute energetic but a app. If we or anyone else has justification to a discordant we’d be unequivocally meddlesome to see it.

‘It’s unequivocally easy to see anything in a disastrous light if we select to. Put simply, Luvdup promotes adore and communication, that in a view, and in today’s world, can't presumably be a bad idea.’

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Posted by on May 19 2017. Filed under LOVE + SEX. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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